So, today I want to get personal and explain to you what God has been doing in my life recently. Without hearing some of my story, you wouldn’t understand how life changing this semester has been for me. I want to share this because I believe someone needs to hear this. I believe that there is someone out there who desperately needs healing but doesn’t know where to start and I believe there are people out there who thought they moved on from their past hurts only to realize that they are right there with them still, even after all this time. I want to reassure you who is reading this, that there is healing from whatever it is that you may be hurting you. I honestly believe, Beloved, that there is no trauma of your past, no wound of your mind, emotions, heart, or soul beyond the healing power of God.
Let’s dive right in, shall we? “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10) I rejoice in my story because it allows God’s saving grace to shine even more brightly! For two years, I was sexually and psychologically abused, extremely. I lived in an off-the-charts high stress environment for a little over two years, I lived in extreme fear and anxiety, and it really took a toll on my body. I did not realize that the wounds caused by these events still lingered until last year. It has been about three/four years since this happened to me and I genuinely believed that I was fine. Everyone was impressed that I could go through such trauma and still have a positive, “smiley”, happy outlook on life. Even when I didn’t have Jesus in my life, I still somehow remained optimistic and joyful…seemingly. What people didn’t know was that I still carried the nightmares, I still carried the fear, I still carried the physical wounds, and I honestly found it hard to just get up and function every day. For the large majority of my teenage years I believed death was better than this. There was no way I could ever move on from this, it was too complicated. I had trouble with friendships, relationships, and functioning socially which caused me to spiral into despair. Being “alone” is the thing I fear the most. I was alone, utterly alone, while the horrors were happening to me. I am completely terrified that that will happen to me again. God allowed a glimpse of that to happen to me again recently, and at first I did not understand how God could allow the same pain into my life but then He made it clear what was going on. I have been living in my pain, in my hurt, from my past and the only way I can fully slam the door in its face is by bringing it up to the surface again and this time, dealing with it properly.
Where do we run when the pain from our past, or our present, is wearing us down? How do we find this healing from everything? It doesn’t seem possible, right? But I can tell you confidently that it is. Where can we turn? The cross of Calvary. There we receive all God wrought for us through our Lord’s death and resurrection. At the Cross, we meet Jesus our Jehovah-rapha, the Lord who heals. At the Cross we meet Jesus as the one who has experienced the pain and hell which we have endured. Because of the Cross, you and I have a representative in heaven who can intercede on our behalf. At the cross Jesus fully experienced the ravages of sin, pain, and suffering. You haven’t lived through anything that Jesus has not also endured. He was made sin for you. That is Calvary love…the hell, the healing. Your refuge is Calvary’s cross, Beloved. There is no wound He cannot heal. “But He was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our inequities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him and by his wounds we are healed.” Jesus experienced the worst of the worst. He felt abandoned, alone, hated, accused of things he did not do, violated, despair, all caused by the people He came to save. He knows what you are going through, because He has been there but 10000x worse. “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are-yet without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” I would say living with old wounds is a time of need; a need for healing. Living in unwavering obedience to truth, no matter how you feel, is the key to victory over any problem.
But here is one truth that has rattled me to my very core. I wrestle with this every day and am earnestly seeking God to reveal this more to me. It is this: If your hurts occurred before you came to know Jesus Christ, then they belong to a person who died. “Therefore, from now on we recognize no man according to the flesh; even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer.” (2 Corinthians 5:16) God is saying that once a person dies through identification with Jesus Christ he or she becomes a new creation. We no longer point to what the person was in the past. “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage of decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.” We do not have to be shackled to a dead person, our old self. That person is gone! And the pains of the past will be too when you let the cross of Calvary do what it came to do, save and heal. My prayer is that you who are hurting, you who are living in the pain from the past, will find healing and grace through Jesus Christ.
I could go on and on about all that I am learning but this is just a snippet. If you would like to talk, I am here to listen and speak truth over your life. I am currently working through this process of healing and would be more than happy to come up alongside you or help you take those first steps. You might have questions as well like “what if my hurts and pains are from after I came to know Christ?” or “I still do not understand how God could allow such horrible things in my life, how could any good come from this?” And if these are your questions, leave a comment below! I have lots to say about those topics as well! If you want to ask me questions, feel free and I can write posts that cater to what you all want to be reading. I want to end with this. “For I am convinced, that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Absolutely nothing can! Not your hurts, or pains from the past, not the guilt or regrets you hold, not the fear or the anger. God’s love is always there for us. Sink yourself in that truth today my friends.