I am living my life as though it all matters. I believe that my greatest achievements are marked by the number of degrees I have, the amount of money I make, the impressiveness of my career. I believe my relationships define my worth, how many friends I have or how progressed my romantic relationships are. I believe the more adventurous I am, the more well-travelled or educated I am, the more aesthetically pleasing my life is to others that this somehow shows how valuable I am.
Chasing after these things leave an emptiness that is as endless as it is dark. When I focus on the things that I do have, the person that I am not, the life I do not have it is no wonder why depression bares its ugly head. I am focusing on the wrong things. And don’t think the direction I am going in is “gratitude journal”-esq.
No. Because even the things I do have do not matter. Jobs I enjoy, ministries I can serve in, a loving family and fiancé, friends exactly where I need them in my life, a home, a car, etc… I could focus on these as well but they will get me no farther in life.
At what point am I going to surrender and realize that all that matters is Him?
The greatest and only pursuit in my life should be for more of Jesus. Joy and freedom follow this. God’s greatest desire for us is to desire Him. He knows the freedom this will bring. He is all we ever did and ever will need.
Can you not tune me out now?
Because yes, people say this. Churches preach it. But nobody LIVES it. We are still trapped in sins that Christ died for. We still live for ourselves, focusing on our feelings and not on His truth. We claim to know Him yet we do not love Him with all that we are and all that we have. He did not give His heart in pieces and yet we do.
“I’ll tell you what makes Jesus look beautiful. It’s when you smash your car and your little girl goes flying through the windshield and lands dead on the street. And you say, through the deepest possible pain. God is enough, God is enough. God is good, God will take care of us. He will satisfy us, He is our treasure, there is nothing I desire beside you. My flesh, my heart, and my little girl may fail but you are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
That makes God look glorious.” (John Piper)
It doesn’t matter if I have enough money, it doesn’t matter if I have the perfect job, or a college degree, or a ring on my finger or a platform of influence. It doesn’t matter if I have friends, or family, or human love.
It is only Him that matters.
And through this, I will be free. My life will not be in vain, for it will be truly given up for Him. I want nothing that He does not want. I need only be an open vessel for His use. I find my joy in Him, in my quiet moments with Scripture, in the most painful moments on my knees, my eyes swollen from the many tears that are falling, when I say “God this makes no sense, and it hurts like hell but You are Lord of my life and I will love you forever.” Those are the moments that matter. When I am overwhelmed in the love He has for me, when I recognize the sacrifice and selflessness of what He did for me. Me who runs away, me who constantly CONSTANTLY disappoints, makes mistakes, breaks His heart. He died so that I may live. And there is no greater love than this. When I see that cross I see freedom, when I see that grave I see Jesus.
“If having my heart was worth the pain
What joy could You see beyond the grave
If love found my soul worth dying for
How wonderful, how glorious
If freedom is worth the life You raised
Oh, where is my sin, where is my shame?
If love paid it all to have my heart…”
“It’s extravagant, it doesn’t make sense
We’ll never comprehend, the way You love us
Its unthinkable, only heaven knows
Just how far You’d go, to say You love us”
Do we hear what we sing? These are the moments that matter. Let this sink in. Seriously, just sit there and read those words, or go play these songs.
Are we living as though we believe this? Are we desperately seeking after Him every day, with every spare moment? Or do we get too tired to spend time with Him? Do we hate reading our bibles that they remain on our nightstands untouched? Do we often forget to pray, and not those easy right before bed groggy prayers but on our knees, crying out to Him, hours on end?
Or are we sitting around judging those around us? Withholding the blessings God has granted us? Sitting in our rooms crying because life isn’t exactly what we want it to be? Placing EVERYTHING else at the center of our hearts and lives? And we wonder why our world is falling apart?
It’s time we wake up, people. God did not DIE for you to sit around and sulk. He did not give you an ENTIRE BOOK of His words to constantly hear you ask why God never talks to you. He did not bless you abundantly for you to hoard it all for yourself and then complain about the things you do not have.
I’m tired and heartbroken watching everyone around me living a life knowing of Christ but not knowing Him.
God, I pray that you revive us. We are dead in our faith and in desperate need of You. Let us make the choice to be with You and pursue you, even when we do not feel like it. God, we let our emotions guide us and not your word. Let our eyes be opened, let our love be sacrificial, let our hope be unwavering. I ask all this in your name, Amen.
“This will happen when Christians don’t just say that Christ is valuable, or sing that Christ is valuable, but truly experience in their hearts the unsurpassed worth of Jesus with so much joy that they can say, ‘I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord’ (Phil. 3:8). Christ will be glorified in the world when Christians are so satisfied in him that they let goods and kindred go and lay down their lives for others in mercy, missions, and if necessary, martyrdom. He will be magnified most among the nations when, at the moment Christians lose everything on earth, they say, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Phil. 1:21).”