It’s been a while so I figured I would give a little update on my sweet relationship with Jeremy. We have been growing a ton and learning a ton. The longer I am with this man, the more in awe of God I am. I am just overwhelmed by the mighty love of God in comparison to our puny little capacity of love down here. And I am in awe because of the crazy amounts of protection and blessing that I can so clearly see in Jeremy’s life. I am so thankful to God for keeping him safe, for keeping him loved, and for providing all the medical treatments necessary. Glory to God for this beautiful soul I have the privilege of serving.
I have been getting lots of texts, DM’s, even emails about how Jeremy is doing so I figured the easiest way would be to post one big update! Currently, Jeremy is waiting. We are off the transplant list for now, due to high levels of phosphorous, blood pressure, hemoglobin, etc… so we have to get those figured out before we can go back to stressing about finding a kidney (yay.) After Jeremy’s seizure at the end of November, his nephrologist determined that the peritoneal dialysis he is currently on is not working for him anymore, hence the high numbers, fatigue, migraines, seizure, etc… The doctor gave Jeremy some options, and he decided to switch to a new form of dialysis. This new process will require dialysis through his arm, and instead of doing ten hours a night, he will now be doing a few hours every other day. So, he had a quick little procedure to get a fistula put in his arm (which are what all the crazy marks on his arm are!!) The past two months we have just been waiting for the fistula to mature enough to start training for hemo-dialysis. His health has been pretty stable these two months, with moments of crazy blood pressure problems here and there. The fatigue and restlessness in his legs and arms has been about the same, but I have been able to see the change in him as he has taken more responsibility in being diligent about medications, diet, and routine. These small changes have made significant differences from where we were seven or eight months ago. He will start training for the new dialysis in about a month or so and is in the process of getting his own space at home, complete with new bed and new dialysis chair. He is very happy to have his own room and to be able to feel more independent in that way. In fact, it is the first thing I have seen make him excited in a very long time!
That is the update on the health situation. We appreciate your prayers more than you know and can see God providing in amazing ways. We acknowledge the protection and blessings because we know that not everyone in the world has access to the kind of medical resources and treatments. As hard as this disease is, we never want to take for granted the doctors, nurses, and technicians who make Jeremy’s life possible and comfortable.
On my end, I have been having a difficult time letting Jeremy go and entrusting him into God’s care. Sounds a little silly, right? God cares and controls so much more than I do. But sometimes its hard for me to remember that. I like to be right there for him, to encourage him when he starts to feel depressed, to rub his back when he’s starting to feel anxious, to hold him close when he’s scared, to take his mind off the seriousness of his situation and show him how absolutely wonderful his life still is and how creative we can be to make the best of it! But…when he is not with me, and I have to let him go, it scares me. I worry.
It is a whole new level of trust for me. I trust God with my life, I trust God with my future, but do I trust God with Jeremy’s? Asking myself this question opened a whole new perspective for me. A few weeks back, I recognized that this became a struggle for me. After Jeremy’s seizure, and not being able to be there in that moment for him, having to entrust him into God’s care, doctors care, etc… I did NOT like that. Do I trust God with Jeremy? Man have I been wrestling. But, as I continued to spend my time in Scripture and read great books and learn so much, I started realizing that these promises, these truths that are so changing my life, also apply to Jeremy.
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened…If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him” (Matt. 7-10a)!
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness in his marvelous light. Once you were not a people but, now you are God’s people; once you have received mercy” (1 Peter 2:9-10).
“For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence, for my hope is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God rests my salvation and my glory; my mighty rock, my refuge is God. Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him, God is a refuge for us” (Psalm 62: 5-8).
All of these bring a great comfort as I realize that not only do they apply to me, but to Jeremy as well. He is God’s child, He is chosen and holy in His sight, He is his fortress and refuge, He is a safe place for him, he can ask and it will be given, he can seek and he will find, all of these are promises and truth in Jeremy’s life. I love Jeremy, but how much more does God love him? More than we could fathom. I have no control over the situation, just the power to love, serve, and support to the absolute best of my ability. I am working on entrusting Jeremy into the Father’s care, placing my worry at His throne, and loving Jeremy better and better every single day we have together.
I thank you again, for you warriors who fight for us in prayer. I thank God for placing the hardest most rewarding relationship in my life. I thank God for the beautiful riches I am finding in life’s ugliest places. And I thank God every day for His love in my life, for His presence in my life, for Him. Without Him, I am nothing. His power is made perfect in our weaknesses. And I could not be more grateful.